Hallmark Calling

As mentioned in a previous post...we look most forward to whatever it is William (a volunteer who works with us when available) signs in cards (birthday, get well, going away, etc.).

Truth be told, if William hasn't been around and hasn't signed whatever card has been routed...I'm disappointed. If William-less, unless the card is for me, I almost don't care to read it. Though, if it's not for me, I'm not really meant to [read it]. We all pass it around just the same... Note: If it you want to write a more personal sentiment...buy a separate card.

We recently had a low-key going-away for our member of our department.

Most people wrote... Good luck! Best wishes! Have fun and RELAX!

William, gotta love him, wrote...

Lesson learned

My very dear & sweet friend, Katrina (who happens to be a librarian), sent this to me...

As library humor goes, Renee & I think it's pretty cute.

Actual requests (no dedications...)

So, not to mock legitimate medical experimentation and research, and I'm sure someone somewhere is being helped...if not medically, then only by completing his/her thesis. That being said, we've collected a few more amusing titles we've been asked to provide. And so we're sharing.


The ethnobiology of the Haitian zombi. [Journal of Ethnopharmacology]


Defensive behavior of eastern chipmunks against Aedes triseriatus (Diptera: Culicidae). [Journal of Medical Entomology]


Recombineering-based procedure for creating Cre/loxP conditional knockouts in the mouse. [Current Protocols in Molecular Biology]


Doctor of love : James Graham and his celestial bed. [Book by Lydia Syson]


Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage. [Journal of Internal Medicine]


A condom skill scale: assessing condom skills among female drug users. [Journal of Drug Education]


We wondered if they lined the women up, game them each a banana...with someone keeping time...and said GO! Renee read pieces of this article, and learned they used penis models - not bananas. The chart which displayed the results of the various skills that were measured was especially entertaining... I would gladly post if it didn't infringe on copyright restrictions.


We also thought the Journal of Practical Hygiene was an interesting title... As opposed to what? Impractical hygiene? Frivolous hygiene? Renee prefers the latter and wants to publish a journal with that name.


Lastly, for this post anyway, there is a journal entitled Mental Hygiene. Perhaps they partner with Mental Floss? Regardless, read up to keep your cerebellum squeaky clean. Kidding. I have no idea what they write about.

The funny bone's connected to the...thigh bone.

Here are some quotes taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

• The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.

• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

• I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

• I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

• The patient refused an autopsy.

• The patient has no past history of suicides.

• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

• Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

• The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

• The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

Stirred, not shaken.

There is a gentleman who volunteers with us here @ work - who we are completely convinced should lend (no library pun intended) his wit/thoughts to the greeting card industry. He is a very private person and a man of very few words; in fact, I've never known anyone of as few words.

A couple of birthdays ago, I was utterly surprised by his signature on my birthday card. He says so little; in fact, his greeting is usually a respectful nod of the head. ...But he can deliver a fantastic one-liner. Perfectly dry (with two olives) and such a fun contrast against the typical [perfectly well intentioned] "happy birthday"s. Not that I don't appreciate any and every well-wish from my coworkers - because I do! His signature has simply become the highlight of each office birthday.

In 2006, he signed...

"With deepest sympathy on this mournful occasion."

2007...

"What happens on your birthday, stays on your birthday."

2008...(which I received today)

May the birthday beagle not leave presents on the carpet of your life.

Thanks, William, you're a gem!

Lego my.......

It's not the title of this one...it's the legos. The article is about the evolution of the tradition in male circumcision; it considers art, legal sources, and literature. One of it's references, or subjects of reference, is what caught our eye... Typically a formal request for permissions to use a figure/image must be submitted, but as this is not a thesis or other academic paper (but a blog)...I'm hoping informal citation will suffice and the authors will be flattered. These are among the best figures/photos we have EVER seen in an article/essay; they may be the best in fact. We'll have to see @ the awards ceremony, won't we?

The images below are published within an medical essay written by Nicola Zampieri (Department of Surgical Sciences, Pediatric Surgical Unit, University of Verona, Verona, Italy), Emanuela Pianezzola (University of Verona, Verona, Italy), Cecilia Zampieri (Department of Geography, University of Verona, Verona, Italy).

Essay title: Male circumcision through the ages: the role of tradition.

(Published in Acta Paediatrica 2008 Sep;97(9):1305-7)


P.S. Upon further research (I read more of the article), I learned the images originated @ the Brick Testament. Apparently Brendan Powell Smith has been bricking up bible for quite some time. Not your typical bible lesson, nor is it meant to be.

These 3 things...

(1) Alas! Mystery solved!

Props to authors Cindy Meston and David Buss for the ultimate unraveling.

Article title: Why Humans Have Sex.

(Published in: Archives of Sexual Behavior 2007 Aug;36(4):477-507)

(2) Let's not be too specific. Just read it out loud.

Article title: Generalization of improved general approximation tests to split-plot designs with multiple between-subjects factors and/or multiple within-subjects factors.

(Published in the British Journal of Mathematical and Statistical Psychology, 1997)

(3) Wide open.

Article title: Eye injuries after nonocular surgery. (Published in Anesthesiology. 1996 Nov;85(5):1020-7)

The more I work I did for this patron, I realized the article was/is to do with injury to the optic nerve following anesthesia. Still, the article title doesn't include that...or even allude to it. It presents as random as ankle injuries following hysterectomies.